Wednesday, February 20, 2013

SCT Day 21 - What is Sleep?

Sleep is the natural, restorative time your body uses to regenerate.  This time is needed for your body as is exercise, eating and physically working your brain.  Where people may consider eating to be the most important part I would challenge that sleeping, if not done correctly, leads to a lack of focus and interest that can cause a laziness that would apply to eating, causing you to eat the wrong things and then impacting further your bodies abilities to do the other necessities in the list above.  It's 04:52 and I hope I'm making sense but I am NOT proofing my comments - just go with it.

I bring up sleeping as it is 04:52 and I've made coffee, rearranged one of the cabinets in the kitchen due to new stackable dinnerware (thanks Mom and Macy's!), and filled all my water bottles.  I also tried to put myself back to sleep from 04:00 to 04:25 before I finally gave up.  The inability to sleep has somewhat plagued me since returning from the hospital.  But last night was more bizarre than most.

I went to bed slightly after 22:00.  Read two pages and dropped the iPad on my face - sure sign to turn out the light.

I woke up at 23:45 - potty break.

I woke up at 01:00 (caught wife playing games on iPad).

I woke up at 02:00.

I woke up at 03:00 - had a dream that there was a ghost/spirit in the house who had trouble sleeping -he's now cured - i should be able to go to sleep (you can't make this shit up - love the dream state!)

I woke up at 04:00 - so much for the f'ing ghost!

I gave up at 04:25 - see references above.

When I list these times I am NOT joking - I literally am waking up like a Japanese train schedule.  at the EXACT top of the hour.  Seriously!  This is almost scary.

Upon waking, and then trying to get back to sleep, your mind is on speed.  I'm not sure if you've ever noticed it, an perhaps it's only me, but my mind bounces around thoughts like a pinball machine.
> focus, need to focus on nothing, put yourself to sleep focus on nothing at all, like the...
> ...empty storage bin downstairs, finally got that letter our, i'll need shelving as well as milk crates to raise the floor in case of flooding...
> ... we need milk, will have to get milk in the morning and Friday means we need fish, dilyn likes fish sticks...
> ...need to stick to cleaning up the files and getting all the tax paperwork over to our accountant, need to focus on this today...
> ...need to focus, need to focus...shit!  I was supposed to be focusing on sleep, ok deep breaths, in, out, in out, focus on nothing, create a blank space, try to sleep, how long have I been doing this...
> (sit up - look at clock on cable box) - DAMMIT - NEED TO SLEEP...
> ...I can't sleep, I've done absolutely nothing at work - next week I need to start reading emails, I'll take it slow but it need to...
> ...slowly get back into exercising, just stretching, I need to at least stretch and get my legs back and operational and do some sit ups to get my core, back and hips back and functional.  I'm sick of my calves being sore...
> ... and I need to walk more, perhaps up to Restoration Hardware and I'll get myself a new iPhone case as I like the one we got Dad for Christmas...
> ...oh shit - forgot to tell Lil that I ordered a new desk chair and what are we going to do w/ the existing one, we can keep it for when we need an extra seat at the table but where to put it when not in use...
> ...and then there's the rice cooker and the drawing table I ordered as well, I really need to clean up the desk, and my closet, and the cabinet w/ electronics and cords, and all our photographs, still owe my brother pictures of the snowmen, I'm so f'ing tired of being unorganized...
> ...I'm so f'ing tired...I NEED TO GET SOME SLEEP, ok focus on nothing, stay focused, in, out, in out, I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping, what time is it?  Shit, might as well get up.

Seriously, this is what races through my brain, this insane stream of consciousness, mental diarrhea, that causes me not to be able to get back to sleep.  Before bed, every night (except for those nights where I've absentmindedly drunken myself into a stupor, I read a book - the sole reason is to put my mind into a far away place where I don't think about anything.  This helps me fall asleep.  The problem with that is if I try to read at 04:25 then I will be reading until 06:00 - I'll get into the book and burn through twenty chapters.  I know, I should keep some fun medical manuals or equity research to help me fall asleep but I just can't do that.

For now, I've accomplished the one thing I wanted - putting this stream of consciousness to paper.

I hope you enjoy when you wake up (you miserable bastard for being able to sleep! :)

cheers,  bill

3 comments:

christina neumann said...

That is so funny, it could be my mind racing . It's often just like that and I'm now ,what, 7 years post SCT .
Oh well, a nap always helps.:)

Elizabeth Sedway said...

At some point it's worth taking something to help with sleep. Ultimately, a bit of Xanax before bed was my solution. Hang in there.

rugbyhubby said...

Elizabeth - I like your idea. I wonder if I can get them to prescribe me something. I asked about Melatonin and was vetoed immediately (by the RN). I'm hoping this is over at some point. I have felt fine all day long. I did take a b100 (b complex vit) but this nightly wake up is killin me! :)